I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
