I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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