Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We just shotgunned beers for America
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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