Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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