OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
