my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
