I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
