you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
