I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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