omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
well you can't waste a boner
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She's the barista slut.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
