He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
