you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
