They should really pass out barf bags in church
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
