Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
