I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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