PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
