I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
