So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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