Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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