You're my little dorito
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
