Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I touched a dick in church today
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
