it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize