You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
