FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
do nipples grow back?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
