i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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