She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
