You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize