Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize