you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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