I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
