if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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