Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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