I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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