Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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