And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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