im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
