New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
