the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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