my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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