he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
