we're blogging at a bar
I hope mine doesn't look like that
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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