my mouth tastes like poor choices
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Say something about gay babies.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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