I just gift wrapped bread.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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