i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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