this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
