Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
