I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
