Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
