What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
