I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
