I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
40s are totally the cure
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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