she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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