She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
