i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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