Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize