Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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