He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
