I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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