On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Less talking, more tequila
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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