i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
