You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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