Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
