If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
