oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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