i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
