I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
