No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
