Its about making memories worth repressing
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
