doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
