i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
