It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
