Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
