in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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