I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
