I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
