I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
then he tried to convert me to islam
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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