I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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