U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
