i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize