doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
