No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
