I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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