worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
