I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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