Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
