Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
so much tequila, so little girl.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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