You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
sex in a hospital.. check
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
