I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
