Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
